Devastating news: Lizzo, the dangerously obese female rapper who checks most of the genre’s requisite boxes — from vulgar, N-word lyrics to sexually explicit, dumpster-scooped rhyming — has reportedly been removed from consideration to be a halftime performer at Super Bowl LVIII this coming February.
She has been deemed unacceptable to the NFL following claims that she sexually harassed and abused members of her on-stage female backup crew. She apparently no longer passes the socially acceptable smell test, unlike past Super Bowl halftime crotch-grabbers and profane N-word-spewers, as per Roger Goodell’s standards.
Last Super Bowl, Goodell invited Rihanna to headline halftime. She fulfilled her tacit terms of entertaining America’s annual largest TV audience by toying with her crotch, then smelling her fingers.
Previously, Snoop Dogg met with Goodell’s sense of what American audiences deserve at halftime of the NFL’s championship game, despite — or maybe because of — Snoop Dogg’s X-rated act, countless arrests and production of porn videos.
Goodell is such a mixed-messages phony that he refused to recite even the titles to Snoop Dogg’s songs, thus indicating that Snoop Dogg is inappropriate for him, the NFL commissioner, but perfect for the rest of America.
Nearly all of Goodell’s chosen Super Bowl performers have the same “artistry” in common: In spite of Goodell’s field-surrounding virtue-messaging to rid society of racism, the performers promote, perpetuate and proliferate the most negative, stuck-in-reverse stigmas of black America.
And Goodell is confident — for good reason — that the mainstream media will give him a pass, as it’s far safer to pander to the low than risk being called racist by those who refuse to deal with conspicuous truths.
Last year at this time and in this space, I made a suggestion to Goodell as the Super Bowl halftime was in its planning stage: A glamorous, full philharmonic playing of George Gershwin’s stirring and sustaining American classic, “Rhapsody in Blue.”
Its mood-jumping melodies and piano interludes are so riveting and embrace so many rhythms — from sentimental to urban jazz to ragtime to a full orchestral with a rising and gripping accent on classical — that for years it has stood as the theme music of United Airlines, as it’s equal parts adventuresome, exciting and soothing.
It’s the work of an American music genius, the son of Russian immigrants, who composed “Rhapsody in Blue” at the age of 26. Gershwin would die of brain disease at 38 in 1937. At 10-12 minutes in length, depending on the conductor, “Rhapsody” would perfectly fit into a halftime slot.
And with Lizzo apparently out — though plenty of other coarse rappers from whom to choose despite the daily arrests or murders of so many rappers and “aspiring rappers” — perhaps there’s an open slot.
It would also represent a needed contradiction of what Goodell clearly regards as popular music. “Rhapsody” is not only popular, it exudes what Goodell’s NFL reign seems to assiduously avoid: class.
Even better: Super Bowl LVIII is scheduled for Feb. 11, 2024 — the 100th anniversary year of the release of “Rhapsody in Blue.”
There’s more historical context to consider. In 1943, Germany occupied Denmark. State radio, controlled by the Nazis, offered daily accounts of the Wehrmacht’s glorious but exaggerated or fabricated triumphs. But from a free offshore Danish radio station, broadcasts would be followed by an unofficial, sarcastic insert, the song “It Ain’t Necessarily So” from “Porgy and Bess,” the 1935 opera lamenting impoverished black America, with songs by Gershwin, his brother, Ira, and DuBose Heyward.
Would the NFL stoop so low as to devote a Super Bowl halftime to something better? To “Rhapsody in Blue” on its 100th anniversary? If it’s a prop bet offered by one of the NFL’s contracted fan-suckering gambling operations, it’s an extreme long shot.
After all, there’s another song from “Porgy and Bess.” It’s titled “I Got Plenty O’ Nuttin’. ”
Rays TV strikes out on homer call
What TV can do to wreck sports telecasts, TV does.
Not that MLB in its current state regularly features exciting action, but Wednesday the Rays’ Luke Raley hit an inside-the-park homer against the Giants.
As the ball was hit then bounced around in the outfield, however, Rays TV sideline reporter Tricia Whitaker was providing a report on something else. As the frantic action continued, she provided no sense of urgency to clam up and allow the announcers to return to the game. Raley was running the bases with all the speed he could muster, and she continued to speak something or other over this action.
And the producer in her ear apparently didn’t demand that she immediately zip it, or she didn’t hear or obey. She just kept talking about something else. More comically bad, can’t-make-it-up live TV.
So, as Raley hit an inside-the-parker, viewers were treated to an irrelevant speech as a matter of TV’s senseless attention to clutter, excess and everything other than what people tuned in to watch. (Thanks to reader Kenny Kaplan for the heads-up on this).
I suppose the Mets believe that we all loved Bartolo Colon, thus he’ll be honored before the Sept. 17 game against the Reds, the first 15,000 customers given “Big Sexy” T-shirts as per Colon’s nickname.
Yes, the same Big Sexy who was married with four kids and making $7 million a year yet had a second “secret family.” The “secret” mother of two of his “secret” children successfully sued him in 2016 for non-support.
Then there was Colon’s 50-game suspension in 2012 for his failure of a drug test. “Big Sexy” admitted to an artificial abundance of testosterone.
But if you didn’t absolutely love Bartolo Colon, there must be something wrong with you.
Arraez subverts analytics
It stands to visual reason that Luis Arraez is leading the majors with a .361 average after playing 116 of the Marlins’ 122 games.
Consider how much better — how much more attractive and sensible — MLB would be if every team had one, two or even three players who batted like Arraez — a fellow with a classic level swing who hits line-drive singles and doubles to all fields, rather than one who bats .210 trying to hit home runs, but far more likely strikes out.
Does Arraez swing hard? Sometimes. But he swings focused on hitting the ball somewhere on the field — anywhere it can’t be caught, including the catcher’s glove for strike three. In 454 at-bats, he has struck out just 29 times (6 percent).
Compare that to, say, $218 million superstar Giancarlo Stanton, who this season has struck out 73 times in 259 at-bats (28 percent) and is hitting .201.
That brings us to the Yankees shortstop Anthony Volpe. Before he’s lost to a career of batting .210 trying to hit home runs by upper-cutting the ball — he has struck out 122 times in 399 at-bats (31 percent)! — he must be reprogrammed to copy the swing of Arraez. Or, for that matter, the swings of Tony Gwynn or Rod Carew or Paul Molitor.
Only the analytics-hypnotized would parrot the false claim or rationalization that batting averages should be dismissed as insignificant. The Marlins wouldn’t still be in the postseason picture without Arraez.
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August 20, 2023 at 02:10AM
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Lizzo should only be first of vulgar rappers dropped from Super Bowl halftime consideration - New York Post
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