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Many of the dates in the Toronto Star’s popular dating column “Dating Diaries” consider the influence of alcohol, in one way or another.
Alcohol is known as a social lubricant, but just as often it can get in the way of the connection that people are looking for on a date, which is partly why the emphasis on drinking in dating culture is increasingly being questioned, in the Dating Diaries and elsewhere. A couple of drinks can serve to loosen things up, especially when the date is “blind” — most of the Diaries are about first dates, often between people who met online — but they can also make things more awkward, more tense, more distant and potentially more dangerous. (Do you have stories to tell? We want to hear them — details on how you, too, can become a dating diarist at the bottom of the piece.)
When “Morris” invited “Bette” to his place for dinner on their first date, she was apprehensive, even though they had a friend in common. When she arrived, “Morris was stationed in his well-appointed kitchen, a glass of wine already poured for me. He looked quite dashing: handsome and well-dressed. I was impressed!” She wrote, “What I didn’t notice was that, apparently, Morris had had a few too many nips at the wine before I had arrived and while he was cooking. After we sat down to eat, out of nowhere, he made a rather vulgar comment. I was startled and became immediately uncomfortable.” Bette left as soon as she felt she could and Morris texted her that the date was “a waste of time,” only to follow up the next morning with an apology, blaming his behaviour on too much wine.
On their fourth or fifth date, at dinner, “Bonnie” suggested that “Joseph” come over to watch movies after. She wrote, “We decided during dinner to go to the LCBO and grab some liquor so we could have some drinks during the movies. I thought this might be the night that sex was introduced into the relationship.” Instead, Joseph mixed a drink and “drank it really quickly. Then he made another.” And another! Joseph fell into a deep sleep on the couch and Bonnie noticed that he’d “polished off the whole bottle of rum in three drinks! No wonder he passed out. Maybe for a big, tall guy it wasn’t that much alcohol, but if you’re passing out, it’s too much!”
Alcohol can also present the problem of lopsided bar bills: the “who pays” question gets more complicated when one person is downing multiple specialty cocktails. Our dater “Georgia” wasn’t feeling things with “Davis,” who “talked constantly and was over-the-top in a lot of ways,” and “bordering on obnoxious.” At least, as Georgia wrote, “He paid for our snacks and drinks, which I appreciated, since he drank a lot more than I did.”
“Delilah” made a rule for herself to go on one date a week, to get herself “out there,” which led to her having lunch with “Reggie.” She wrote, “He was cute, and I liked that he appeared to be invested in his job and have a sense of humour.” Delilah wasn’t drinking as part of Dry January, but “I told him to go for it.” She wrote, “He was clearly taken aback by this, but more than that, seemed really annoyed by it. I’d been on other dates during Dry January with two different guys who had no problem with my not drinking.” She added, “Who needs to drink at lunch?!” That was it for Delilah, who wrote, “The vibe was thrown totally off.”
“Ashley” wrote that when her date, “Joshua,” ordered a large bottle of wine at dinner, she stopped him to say that she didn’t really drink much and that he might want to order a glass instead. “I’ve noticed that guys always assume I drink, without asking about my preferences. But Joshua said he was fine with the bottle.” It was then that Ashley realized something was off: “I thought he might be, possibly, drunk.” Joshua was slurring, his eyes were unfocused and he was repeating himself. Ashley wrote, “The problem was that I had agreed to dinner and we hadn’t even ordered yet, so I was stuck. This is why I always want a coffee date!” Joshua continued to drink throughout dinner and Ashley wrote, “It’s not like he was sloppy drunk, but I was annoyed.” Ashley wondered, “If this is what a first date looks like with this guy, then what would it look like if we were a couple!?”
The lesson, as always, is to drink wisely — which includes paying attention to your date and what they’re comfortable with, when it comes to alcohol or anything else.
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April 16, 2022 at 04:00PM
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Advice | These dates drank too much. One made a vulgar comment, another passed out after polishing off a whole bottle of rum: Dating Diaries - Niagara Falls Review
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